I heard we made out
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
