I can tuck mytits in my pants
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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