she was so not down for the gang bang
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
