I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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