I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
