You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
