just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
