im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize