Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
