our cab driver is having phone sex.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
