pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
