So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
