i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
