why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
