I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Green mimosas i think yes
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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