If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
