M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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