Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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