You kept calling me your small dog last night.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
