remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it was like eating out sand paper
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize