I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
