I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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