i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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