That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
