I don't think brook has ever known best
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Two words: blizzard sex
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
