I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
