There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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