Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
