i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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