your thong is hanging out like whoa
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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