Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
