Christians are straight up FREAKS
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
