Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
