In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
