I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
