No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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