but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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