your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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