The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
