I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
