maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im holly from the hills drunk
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
