There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
