exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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