You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
