I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
