Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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