It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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