EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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