i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
