is wine microwaveable?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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