Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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