chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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