Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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