remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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