Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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