You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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