Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
