Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
