And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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