Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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