I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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