He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
