how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
