last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
