I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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